I haven’t been sleeping well for what must be at least a month now. It all started around the time I began drinking coffee again after having quit for a month. At first I thought it was the shock of having caffeine again after so long without it, but it was only a small cup once a day and regardless of what time I had it (morning or afternoon) I would still be up several hours past when I usually went to sleep.
My next assumption was video games. I had started playing Warhammer Online again with some other people from work and came to the conclusion that playing the game at night had amped me up too much to sleep. I eventually cut coffee out completely again and experimented with not playing WAR for a few days. This was just this past week and it seems to have done nothing.
Some people may ask if I’m stressed, but I can’t see that I’m anymore stressed than I have been over the last 3 years in this job and I’m certain that I’ve been more stressed at several points. I suppose my recent attempt at a relationship could be enough of a foreign element to have some effect, but such things have never affected me like this before, especially not when I’ve cut caffeine out completely.
The only other assumption I can make in regards to my current affliction is that my sleeplessness is entirely mental. It’s no secret that I’ve always been rather stubborn when it comes to my own mental health. I’m one of those people who figures he’s smart enough not to need therapy or any other psychoanalysis, and yet it’s the smart people who tend to carry around the most baggage. I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where the burden has become too much to bear and cannot be ignored anymore.
I find myself in a sort of mental and emotional loop, making the same bad decisions, worrying over the same posibilities, and overall feeling as if I’m holding myself back from the same experiences again and again. I’m going forward to nowhere while desiring so much more and I can’t help but wonder if my sleeplessness is a physical symptom of it all. Is my body trying to tell me it’s time to get some help? I think it’s the only conclusion I can draw at this point.
