Post Coffee Addled Essence

I was going to write a post about how my job as a game developer is largely misunderstood by the general public who see game developers as lazy, overpaid, anti-social slackers; a misunderstanding borne from the misunderstanding that all game developers are programmers and the misunderstanding that all programmers are wealthy geeks like Bill Gates coupled with the misunderstanding that making games involves playing games most of the day and the misunderstanding that people who play games are slovenly and anti-social.

I decided not to write that post though and in fact the only reason it came to mind at all was as I was planning to write that I had to work overtime yesterday and for the next two Saturdays. My mind immediately wandered to an explanation of the required overtime that exists as part of my schedule as a game developer, overtime that as a salaried employee I don’t get paid for because I’m eligible for a “bonus” that usually ends up being 10% or less of what I would have made had I gotten paid for overtime.

That’s all beside the point however as I can’t recall why I was going to write about having to work overtime at all except maybe that it’s Sunday and this is my only full day off this weekend and after getting back from the coffee shop this morning I’m looking for ways to get as much out of it as possible. And now I’ve lost my train of thought completely so I’m just going to post this as a chronicle of my addled state of mind and start again with a new post.

What I Did for My Summer Vacation

I really need to write here more often. I suppose a quick summer recap is in order.

I suppose the short of it is that during the summer I decided I needed to get out of my job and began looking for options. There had been a possibility of a job in California that I was considering, but the company doing the hiring was in no hurry and the process was dragging toward early-mid August. It was around this time that an opportunity came up for me to transfer within my company at large. I suppose at this point it might be prudent to mention that I work for a large game publisher. This publisher owns a number of developers across the world and it is possible to jump from one developer to another with more ease than say … coming from the outside to the same position. The only requirements for jumping are that a position be open at the destination company and that the origin company is willing to let you go.

Several positions became available at a company I had wanted to work with for quite some time and on a project I was very interested in and while some people in power at my current workplace did not want to let me have the opportunity to go, a good friend in a position of power (who realized I had one foot out the door anyway) made the case for me and I got to interview. And so it happened that I got a job in Austin and the remainder of August (which at that point was about 2 weeks) was spent finding a place to live in Austin and moving out of my place in Virginia.

I drove down to Austin over the course of 4 days, during which my left arm got sunburned and I stayed at several hotels ranging from “awesome, my room has it’s own living room” to “I just killed a lizard on the wall with a phone book”. I arrived in Austin on August 30th and started work the next day. My belongings arrived at my new apartment roughly a week later. Since that time I’ve been living here in Austin and trying to get a feel for what I’m told is as near a city to Boston as I’m like to find outside of beantown itself.

I have my own hierarchy of needs when moving to a new place and it looks something like:

1. Music Stores: I need to find a good place to buy hard to find music. Should, but does not need to contain decently priced used discs

2. Movies: It is necessary to locate both a good theatre to see mainstream movies (ideally with stadium seating) and a place to see limited release movies (can be the same place)

3. Comics: I must find a comic book store that carries all my monthly books (without my having to ask for them) while maintaining a well-stocked library of trade paperbacks and graphic novels.

4. Walking; I need someplace where I can walk around. Preferably 4-5 miles worth of non-repeating walking space. Ideally a park or other public ground.

5. Coffee Shop: I’d like a place where I can go on weekend mornings, get a cup of coffee, and read the local indie paper. Chain coffee shops do not count.

In Virginia the music stores were only so-so. The one’s in DC were hard to get to and very specific as to their stock (only punk and metal, etc.). That is until I found CD Cellar, which I had somehow managed not to notice for a year. Even then, they only had used stuff so obscure new releases were not likely to be found. Movies were a different story as nearly all the theatres in Virginia and DC were excellent quality and the E-Street theatre was a great place to see limited release films. The comics situation wasn’t so bad, although I did have to go to a couple different stores to find everything I was looking for. Walking was a bit of a pain, at least for my tastes. If I wanted to walk I usually went to the National Mall and walked the monument circuit. I’m not going to get into the coffee situation. There were definitely decent places, but they were so few and far between that the other bohemian wannabe’s crowded in before I could ever get there since I had to drive to get there and they lived within walking distance.

I’m still getting a feel for Austin and I’m not seeing the Boston connection at all (more on that later), but I’ve been able to satisfy my needs fairly well. There are two great music stores within walking distance of each other that have huge new and used selections. The theatres are not as modern as Virginia, but the area makes up for this in variety. You don’t have to go far to find a place to watch a movie, including limited releases. When it comes to comics, there is an excellent store about a 2 minute walk from my apartment. Despite their odd organizational style, it may be one of the best stores I have ever shopped at. Walking is something I haven’t really done yet. I walked downtown a little bit, but I really don’t have a feel for it and unlike Boston it almost felt abandoned. Then again it was a Sunday and I might have been on a less populated side of downtown. I have hopes of the park near the river being a good walking area … once the weather is cooler I’ll check it out. And lastly, the coffee situation has been much better as well. So long as I’m there by 9:30/10:00 on Sunday morning, there’s a coffee shop about 7 minute’s walk from my apartment that I’ve gone to the past couple weekends.

And that’s my Austin experience so far. I think the one thing I need to divorce myself from is this idea of it being like Boston. This may be true for the casual observer, but Boston and I have a special relationship. I know that city better than any other place and the wealth of memories I have from that place, both good and bad, have given it a special place in my heart. That being the case, I can’t expect to get the same effect or vibe from Austin. I just don’t know the city well enough. That being said. As I walked to and back from the coffee shop last week I felt like the city bared it’s soul to me a bit. I don’t really expect anyone else to understand this though. I just relate to cities in a different way than others.

Conflicted

I swear I’m nothing if not a tragic figure and like all tragic figures I create my own misery. The last several months of work have been hell and while I love my career, I think I may have finally hit the wall at my current job. For nearly 3 years I was willing to deal with the bullshit, with the sub-standard tools, the office politics, the lack of communication, and the talent-lacking old guard constantly being put into decisions where they could make poor decisions affecting numerous people’s jobs. Last summer I said I’d give the company another year to turn itself around and over the last nine months I really thought things were, only to have an almost total reversal over the past couple of months as we gear up for something new. I don’t look forward to going to work anymore and it’s taken its toll both mentally and physically on me recently. In almost everything else I’ve done in life I’ve been able to say “well I tried and I wasn’t very good, so I’m done” but not in this. My current career is the one thing that even when it beat me down, I came crawling back. Where I’m at right now isn’t a situation where I’m doubtful about my career choice, but more a case of realizing that I’m not getting all that I should be out of my career right now.

I might have been able to hang on a bit longer, that is until I found out about at least one (perhaps 2 or 3) people I know who are thinking about leaving as well. And that got me to thinking Saturday night, which was when I more or less decided that I was going to start getting my resume in order and start looking for new jobs. The difficulty with what I do is that the jobs are so scattered around the country. You see, I’m a game developer and while there are a concentration of studios throughout California, in Texas, and Seattle, those aren’t places I’m living in right now and although I’m no stranger to moving for work, there comes a point where you want to set down roots and I’m wondering when that’s going to be for me, I’m wondering whether I’m hurting myself by leaving.

I’m fairly certain the real answer to that is that I’m not, especially given the uncertainty of the track that my current employer has chosen (in my view at least) and the fact that some of the people thinking about leaving are my few friends here, but there are other friends I’ve made here who I will be sad to leave. And while I really have never liked living in this area of the country, I’m not certain that wherever I end up will be any better. Yet I’m still considering leaving as it’s the logical choice, but due to the aforementioned penchant for tragedy, I’ve made a move that may complicate my life.

Someone got in touch with me on Ok Cupid recently and I’ve just responded to them. Now here’s the thing. There’s nothing wrong with getting involved with someone when you’re not 100% sure you’re sticking around so long as you’re honest with them before thing become too serious. I’ve been in this situation before and what it really comes down to is that you can’t put your life on hold for every little thing, because you honestly never know how it’s going to turn out. Before I moved down here I got involved with someone for a couple months before I found this job and left, but I was very honest with this person the entire time and things worked out for the best. Now in general it’s more accurate to expect that nothing is going to evolve between myself and this person who I’ve messaged, but the sheer fact that I’m thinking about leaving, coupled with my tragic persona means that this is probably going to work out this time.

The sad truth however (and the one thing I expect to remain true and un-tragic, regardless) is that I’ve never met anyone in my life who is so amazing that I would consider sacrificing my career goals and professional happiness for. When it really comes down to it, my job has more of a chance of sustaining my happiness in the long term. I don’t know, perhaps it’s my lot to walk down the tragic road, because as a matter of fact I have plenty of friends who have been stuck with similar dillemas. Maybe it’s the hallmark of the sensitive guys of my generation to seek this kind of tragedy. If anything it has something to do with all those second generation emo records we listening to in the 90’s … back when the genre was still about hardcore music with feelings and not this watered down crap they play today. But I digress. What it all comes down to is that I’m conflicted. I’m not even really in a horribly conflicting situation yet, but regardless, moving on is never easy and maybe it’s just self-sabotage that I’m putting myself in a potentially tragic relationship. Maybe this is how I deal with change. Or maybe this is just the way I’m written.

Andrew Bird – Noble Beast

After listening to Andrew Bird’s new album for the second time I have to say that I’m not incredibly impressed with it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad, but in the spectrum of Andrew Bird it falls closer to The Mysterious Production of Eggs than it does Armchair Apocrypha. While not as sketchy and derivative as Weather Systems, Noble Beast still manages to let Bird do what Bird does best (ie. whistle, play the violin, and string together odd vocabulary), but it lacks the emotion that was present in Armchair. Being jaded as I am, I can’t help but wonder if after the success of his previous album, Bird decided to make something more for the masses, an album that wouldn’t piss anyone off. In the end while Noble Beast is entirely listenable, but lacks the substance that made Armchair Apocrypha stand out and persist over time. I’d rather hear Bird say less of “something” than more of “anything”, which is what he’s given us in Noble Beast.

It’s Science

For reasons unknown, I’m throwing myself back into the internet dating scene. Rather than glance at a large number of profile thumbnails briefly and then pass based on my first picky, gut reaction, I’ve decided that maybe narrowing my search might allow me to be more discerning and give more people a chance. I’m starting with just the redheads.

I know, it sounds like a horribly shallow thing to do, but the simple fact is that I’m more often than not attracted to redheads so I might as well narrow my initial search and see if I can’t find someone interesting. Well after weeding out people who I did not find attractive and people who’s interests were completely out of sync with mine (I’m talking about all the people who sound like they either spend 90% of their time camping or traveling the globe), I have about 20 people to give  a final once over and see if I can find anything in their profile that I can use to send them an interesting message.

Once again, this all sounds shallow and the complete opposite of romance, but when you’re as picky as I am about who you will potetially have a relationship with this is honestly the only way to get around the sheer frustration of being assaulted by profile after profile of people you have no interest in. I’m hoping this will lead me to be a bit more successful in my search.

Yes We Can … Did

Now, that’s what I call regime change.

Album Audit 005 – “Float” by Aesop Rock

While not technically his debut, this is probably the earliest Aesop Rock album that most people (including myself) will ever have possession of. This album lays the groundwork for everything that Aesop Rock would end up creating. From his thoughtful, complex, nearly tongue-twisting rhymes, to the almost minimalist beats and samples that back them up, Float is pratically a manifesto for the underground hip hop of the early 21st century. While I can’t say much about this album by itself aside from the fact that it’s entirely listenable and incredibly solid, I will say that this is what hip hop should sound like. Much like his indie brethren making guitar rock in their spare time, Aesop presents a type of hip hop just left of mainstream where soul beats, strings, and jazz co-exist easily and where the goal isn’t the make the most money, to be the most “real”, or to prove how much better you are than your contemporaries. There’s no bragging going here, it’s just music and if you’re the kind of person who says they hate hip hop because of all the hype and baggage that comes along with it, Aesop Rock is what you need to be listening to.