What I Did for My Summer Vacation

I really need to write here more often. I suppose a quick summer recap is in order.

I suppose the short of it is that during the summer I decided I needed to get out of my job and began looking for options. There had been a possibility of a job in California that I was considering, but the company doing the hiring was in no hurry and the process was dragging toward early-mid August. It was around this time that an opportunity came up for me to transfer within my company at large. I suppose at this point it might be prudent to mention that I work for a large game publisher. This publisher owns a number of developers across the world and it is possible to jump from one developer to another with more ease than say … coming from the outside to the same position. The only requirements for jumping are that a position be open at the destination company and that the origin company is willing to let you go.

Several positions became available at a company I had wanted to work with for quite some time and on a project I was very interested in and while some people in power at my current workplace did not want to let me have the opportunity to go, a good friend in a position of power (who realized I had one foot out the door anyway) made the case for me and I got to interview. And so it happened that I got a job in Austin and the remainder of August (which at that point was about 2 weeks) was spent finding a place to live in Austin and moving out of my place in Virginia.

I drove down to Austin over the course of 4 days, during which my left arm got sunburned and I stayed at several hotels ranging from “awesome, my room has it’s own living room” to “I just killed a lizard on the wall with a phone book”. I arrived in Austin on August 30th and started work the next day. My belongings arrived at my new apartment roughly a week later. Since that time I’ve been living here in Austin and trying to get a feel for what I’m told is as near a city to Boston as I’m like to find outside of beantown itself.

I have my own hierarchy of needs when moving to a new place and it looks something like:

1. Music Stores: I need to find a good place to buy hard to find music. Should, but does not need to contain decently priced used discs

2. Movies: It is necessary to locate both a good theatre to see mainstream movies (ideally with stadium seating) and a place to see limited release movies (can be the same place)

3. Comics: I must find a comic book store that carries all my monthly books (without my having to ask for them) while maintaining a well-stocked library of trade paperbacks and graphic novels.

4. Walking; I need someplace where I can walk around. Preferably 4-5 miles worth of non-repeating walking space. Ideally a park or other public ground.

5. Coffee Shop: I’d like a place where I can go on weekend mornings, get a cup of coffee, and read the local indie paper. Chain coffee shops do not count.

In Virginia the music stores were only so-so. The one’s in DC were hard to get to and very specific as to their stock (only punk and metal, etc.). That is until I found CD Cellar, which I had somehow managed not to notice for a year. Even then, they only had used stuff so obscure new releases were not likely to be found. Movies were a different story as nearly all the theatres in Virginia and DC were excellent quality and the E-Street theatre was a great place to see limited release films. The comics situation wasn’t so bad, although I did have to go to a couple different stores to find everything I was looking for. Walking was a bit of a pain, at least for my tastes. If I wanted to walk I usually went to the National Mall and walked the monument circuit. I’m not going to get into the coffee situation. There were definitely decent places, but they were so few and far between that the other bohemian wannabe’s crowded in before I could ever get there since I had to drive to get there and they lived within walking distance.

I’m still getting a feel for Austin and I’m not seeing the Boston connection at all (more on that later), but I’ve been able to satisfy my needs fairly well. There are two great music stores within walking distance of each other that have huge new and used selections. The theatres are not as modern as Virginia, but the area makes up for this in variety. You don’t have to go far to find a place to watch a movie, including limited releases. When it comes to comics, there is an excellent store about a 2 minute walk from my apartment. Despite their odd organizational style, it may be one of the best stores I have ever shopped at. Walking is something I haven’t really done yet. I walked downtown a little bit, but I really don’t have a feel for it and unlike Boston it almost felt abandoned. Then again it was a Sunday and I might have been on a less populated side of downtown. I have hopes of the park near the river being a good walking area … once the weather is cooler I’ll check it out. And lastly, the coffee situation has been much better as well. So long as I’m there by 9:30/10:00 on Sunday morning, there’s a coffee shop about 7 minute’s walk from my apartment that I’ve gone to the past couple weekends.

And that’s my Austin experience so far. I think the one thing I need to divorce myself from is this idea of it being like Boston. This may be true for the casual observer, but Boston and I have a special relationship. I know that city better than any other place and the wealth of memories I have from that place, both good and bad, have given it a special place in my heart. That being the case, I can’t expect to get the same effect or vibe from Austin. I just don’t know the city well enough. That being said. As I walked to and back from the coffee shop last week I felt like the city bared it’s soul to me a bit. I don’t really expect anyone else to understand this though. I just relate to cities in a different way than others.

Conflicted

I swear I’m nothing if not a tragic figure and like all tragic figures I create my own misery. The last several months of work have been hell and while I love my career, I think I may have finally hit the wall at my current job. For nearly 3 years I was willing to deal with the bullshit, with the sub-standard tools, the office politics, the lack of communication, and the talent-lacking old guard constantly being put into decisions where they could make poor decisions affecting numerous people’s jobs. Last summer I said I’d give the company another year to turn itself around and over the last nine months I really thought things were, only to have an almost total reversal over the past couple of months as we gear up for something new. I don’t look forward to going to work anymore and it’s taken its toll both mentally and physically on me recently. In almost everything else I’ve done in life I’ve been able to say “well I tried and I wasn’t very good, so I’m done” but not in this. My current career is the one thing that even when it beat me down, I came crawling back. Where I’m at right now isn’t a situation where I’m doubtful about my career choice, but more a case of realizing that I’m not getting all that I should be out of my career right now.

I might have been able to hang on a bit longer, that is until I found out about at least one (perhaps 2 or 3) people I know who are thinking about leaving as well. And that got me to thinking Saturday night, which was when I more or less decided that I was going to start getting my resume in order and start looking for new jobs. The difficulty with what I do is that the jobs are so scattered around the country. You see, I’m a game developer and while there are a concentration of studios throughout California, in Texas, and Seattle, those aren’t places I’m living in right now and although I’m no stranger to moving for work, there comes a point where you want to set down roots and I’m wondering when that’s going to be for me, I’m wondering whether I’m hurting myself by leaving.

I’m fairly certain the real answer to that is that I’m not, especially given the uncertainty of the track that my current employer has chosen (in my view at least) and the fact that some of the people thinking about leaving are my few friends here, but there are other friends I’ve made here who I will be sad to leave. And while I really have never liked living in this area of the country, I’m not certain that wherever I end up will be any better. Yet I’m still considering leaving as it’s the logical choice, but due to the aforementioned penchant for tragedy, I’ve made a move that may complicate my life.

Someone got in touch with me on Ok Cupid recently and I’ve just responded to them. Now here’s the thing. There’s nothing wrong with getting involved with someone when you’re not 100% sure you’re sticking around so long as you’re honest with them before thing become too serious. I’ve been in this situation before and what it really comes down to is that you can’t put your life on hold for every little thing, because you honestly never know how it’s going to turn out. Before I moved down here I got involved with someone for a couple months before I found this job and left, but I was very honest with this person the entire time and things worked out for the best. Now in general it’s more accurate to expect that nothing is going to evolve between myself and this person who I’ve messaged, but the sheer fact that I’m thinking about leaving, coupled with my tragic persona means that this is probably going to work out this time.

The sad truth however (and the one thing I expect to remain true and un-tragic, regardless) is that I’ve never met anyone in my life who is so amazing that I would consider sacrificing my career goals and professional happiness for. When it really comes down to it, my job has more of a chance of sustaining my happiness in the long term. I don’t know, perhaps it’s my lot to walk down the tragic road, because as a matter of fact I have plenty of friends who have been stuck with similar dillemas. Maybe it’s the hallmark of the sensitive guys of my generation to seek this kind of tragedy. If anything it has something to do with all those second generation emo records we listening to in the 90’s … back when the genre was still about hardcore music with feelings and not this watered down crap they play today. But I digress. What it all comes down to is that I’m conflicted. I’m not even really in a horribly conflicting situation yet, but regardless, moving on is never easy and maybe it’s just self-sabotage that I’m putting myself in a potentially tragic relationship. Maybe this is how I deal with change. Or maybe this is just the way I’m written.

eMusic Sells Out

I used to be proud to be an eMusic member, but starting July 18th that’s not going to be possible anymore.

Back in 2004, my friend Scott turned me onto something called eMusic, a service that would allow me to download 65 tracks for only $15 a month. Now you have to realize that this is back when the iPod was only a year old and before everyone and their grandmother had cell phones capable of holding multiple gigs of music. Back then the only places you were going to get MP3’s were iTunes for .99 a song or illegitimately. The only other options were the places that would let you stream but not own. EMusic not only provided DRM free downloads, but focused on independent artists. Needless to say, this place was ahead of it’s time.

A couple years after that, eMusic changed it’s pricing plan so that $15 only bought 50 tracks a month, but members with existing plans (including mine) did not change and for $15 I still got my 65 tracks. As if I didn’t have enough reason already (eMusic having introduced me to dozens of bands whose music I would never have found otherwise) this made me want to champion eMusic even more and until now I’ve always told people of all listening habits that this is simply the best place to get music for a decent price.

I can understand why many tracks on iTunes sell for .99 because the fact of the matter is that so much popular music isn’t worth buying an entire album. Given a model where artists produce 2-3 good songs out of every 12 and a public that only consumes what they’ve already heard or what someone else has told them to buy, selling single tracks at a cost designed to make up for lagging album sales makes sense. It isn’t the same with many independent artists and the people who listen to them however. We’re overwhelmingly a group of people who care about albums, as we’re accustomed to seeking out good music and not just consuming what we’re told is “cool” by the RIAA, MTV, and others who would see the soul sucked out of music in pursuit of dollar signs and not artistic expression.

EMusic made a deal with Sony recently to offer downloads of their back catalogue of songs older than 2 years. One can only assume that the deal has a hefty price tag or that Sony won’t stand for it’s tracks to be offered at the lower price offered by eMusic because starting in July the number of tracks being offered per month for existing plans (including grandfathered plans like my own) will be dropping, effectively passing on the price of courting Sony to every single member of eMusic. The biggest slap in the face however comes to peope like myself whose grandfathered 65 track plans will be cut nearly in half to only 35 tracks a month for $15.

EMusic is attempting to sell this change as a boon to everyone, a win-win situation that allows eMusic not only to increase it’s own revenue, but provide a larger catalogue to it’s users. While I can’t argue with eMusic wanting to make more money and increase it’s catalogue, I take issue with the manner in which it manifests itself. The question to ask is whether eMusic’s existing members really want Sony’s back catalogue? There’s no doubt that eMusic stands to make more money even knowing that they will likely lose existing subscribers over this deal, but where’s the loyalty to those of us who have been dedicated downloaders for over 5 years? Where before eMusic was a company and a site that I could feel confident in supporting, they have now resorted to the same empty tactics of greed that seem to drive all capitalistic pursuits. I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me, but for a company that has done so much to bring independent music to the ears of so many people – music that is nearly impossible to track down in a physical form in so many locations throughout the country – to make a decision so obviously based on satisfying the masses and the status quo is disappointing to say the least.

I used to go to eMusic to take a chance on things that were new as well as download artists that were difficult to find in my area. With the halving of my monthly downloads I don’t know that it makes sense to continue my subscription, but above the cost is the principal. I’d gladly pay more money for more independent music, but Sony and their major label ilk are part of a dying system doing everything in their power to wring money from consumers without providing anything more of value. For eMusic to support this is contrary to what I believed the spirit of such a site was and while the sad truth is that this deal is likely irreversible, I don’t have to see my money go to support it. When my subscription to eMusic goes to renew in July, I have to recourse but to cancel. It may not be convenient, but given the choice I’d rather support independent music directly instead.

How Not to Succeed at Love

I’m listening to Tom Waits at the moment while several windows from Match.com line the tab bar at the top of my browser. I figure if I’m going to be unsucessful romantically the very least I can do (aside from the usual self-loathing and complaining) is share my experience with the world. Maybe someone will learn something from my experience; maybe that someone will be me. In either case I’ve got nothing to do right now and Mr. Waits doesn’t seem to think it’s such a bad idea so we’ll see how this goes.

I have my Match.com searches saved into 3 categories at the moment: blondes, brunettes, and redheads. Now at first glance one might take me for a superficial womanizer, organizing search parameters that might allow him to better narrow down his flavor of the week choice of female companion. This couldn’t be further from the truth. With me it’s more about science. Anyone who’s ever done a search at Match.com or any other dating site of comparable size will understand as I do that if you live in a reasonable populated area and unless you become extremely specific, any search you make will likely come up with 100+ profiles. On the one hand this is great because dating for pragmatic indivuals such as myself, we realize that there is no such thing as true love and that for every person you’ve ever fallen madly in love with, there are likely hundreds of others who would just as easily fit the bill all over the world. On the other hand, with such a selection you really want to find the people who most match you, such as to increase your overall odds of any given dating situation resolving itself amicably. See? It’s science.

So rather than put in what ultimately ends up being a fairly standard search (mostly because these sites offer only the most generalized criteria in order to appeal to a broader audience) I like to narrow my options … by hair color. Now I acknowledge that there’s no way I can phrase that so it doesn’t sound terribly shallow, but let’s face it, we’re all attracted to certain things and for whatever reason I’m partial to redheads, followed closely by very dark brown or black hair, and then everything else. Blondes actually are my low on my list, in defiance of every stereotype ever written about modern men. Coincidentally however, the longest and most satisfying relationship of my adult life was with a blonde woman.

To give any idea of what I’m looking for, the redhead search that I’ve just done today looks something like this:

age: between 27 and 32
distance: within 15 miles of my location
height: 4-6ft
body type: slender, athletic, curvy, average, full-figured (I’ll have to go into the reasoning behind the options I didn’t choose in a future post)
hair: auburn/red
exercise habits: 1-2 times a week, 3-4 times a week
smokes: no
drinks: socially
has kids: no
education: bachelors, associates, phd, or graduate degree

Every other option is essentially unimportant to me and even these options (for the most part) don’t entirely limit your search. For instance, I’ve come across a few smokers using this search before and honestly, I can deal with it if it’s the right person.

This particular search brings up 60 women for me. Now I’m not sure whether it’s just me or whether it’s the nature of internet dating, but maybe 10% of these people will get a second glance from me. If I had to make a guess I would say that psychologically, given a page full of potentially datable faces, makes it much easier for people to pick and choose based soley on looks. Granted when I search I make sure I see a blurb from their profiles at the same time, but at first glance, the picture speaks more. This may be because I’m a visual thinker, or it’s just a side effect of listing people in this way. All I know is that when someone takes a chance and messages me before I first message them, I’m more likely to give them a chance based on what they say as opposed to what they look like, this being both a situtation where I’m not being presented with a page of options and also one where interest has also been implied by the other party.

Now here’s where it gets weird for me. As I mentioned before, I have 6 profiles tabbed in my browser right now and if history is any indicator, I’ll likely save their profile names and look them up later. For whatever reason I can’t be bothered to make any action after finding potentially suitable profiles and I think it’s because in my backwards, intellectual, socially retarded mind any one of these people could be the last person I ever date. One of these women could be “the one” and believing as I do that there could be literally hundreds of potential “ones” out there for me, I want to make sure I pick the best possible one I can. And this is only the first of many trials I personally face with internet dating. I don’t make any excuses for it, I bring it on myself, but that’s just the way it is and I’m virtually helpless against it.

Now obviously once I begin reading these profiles I’m going to find things about them that may narrow down this selection of 6 some more. For instance, something that has become a huge turn off to me lately is people who make a point of mentioning how much they both love traveling abroad and the numerous places they’ve been. As far as I’m concered, there are two types of people in the world: idealists and non-idealists. Non-idealists have no problem with studying through college in order to procure themselves a job in a lucrative field after they graduate and these people frequently end up with more money than anyone in their 20’s should ever have and can afford to do things like travelling, learning foreign languages, and enjoying life. Idealists on the other hand go to art school or study 18th century British poetry and spend their 20’s working the kind of shitty jobs the non-idealists have managed to avoid just to make ends meet, while working desperately towards some idealized job that they may never obtain. Some people also start off as idealists, then when faced with the option of being poor for a decade, immediately change their tune. The DC area is full of idealists, people who took that one of the thousands of “consultant” positions available in the city, or that entry-level position at the law firm, ad agency, etc. These people have time to travel and tend to expect the same of others. I went to Art School, changed my major from Illustration to Film Making and spent the better part of my 20’s chasing my dream of working in video game development. I haven’t had what most would consider to be disposable income outside of the last 2 years so no, I haven’t travelled much  re: at all, outside of the country at least.

Unbridled enthusiasm for camping is another thing that gets to me, speaking mostly as someone who, while not opposed to the outdoors, has no idea to sleep in it and shit in the woods for a weekend. There are other detractors as well, but it’s not all negative, I look for attractive things as well. I’ve gone from being very picky to more forgiving in my dating taste over the last few years to the point where I have three criteria that must be met in order for someone to be “perfect” for me. She must like movies and not just the summer blockbusters, but well-made, less publicized stuff as well. She must like music, but not just the radio top 40, ideally something I’ve never heard of and that rocks. She must be smarter than me, or at least as smart; I like smart, capable women, who can match wits with me. If anyone meets these three requirements then I’m going to look for some way to get in touch with them and as of yet, I haven’t even looked at the 6 contenders in the tabs above this text block so I have no idea what’s in store for me. Things being what they are however and in observance of the fact that I have a phone call to make and dinner to prepare, the answer to that question will have to wait until later.

In The Loop

I haven’t been sleeping well for what must be at least a month now. It all started around the time I began drinking coffee again after having quit for a month. At first I thought it was the shock of having caffeine again after so long without it, but it was only a small cup once a day and regardless of what time I had it (morning or afternoon) I would still be up several hours past when I usually went to sleep.

My next assumption was video games. I had started playing Warhammer Online again with some other people from work and came to the conclusion that playing the game at night had amped me up too much to sleep. I eventually cut coffee out completely again and experimented with not playing WAR for a few days. This was just this past week and it seems to have done nothing.

Some people may ask if I’m stressed, but I can’t see that I’m anymore stressed than I have been over the last 3 years in this job and I’m certain that I’ve been more stressed at several points. I suppose my recent attempt at a relationship could be enough of a foreign element to have some effect, but such things have never affected me like this before, especially not when I’ve cut caffeine out completely.

The only other assumption I can make in regards to my current affliction is that my sleeplessness is entirely mental. It’s no secret that I’ve always been rather stubborn when it comes to my own mental health. I’m one of those people who figures he’s smart enough not to  need therapy or any other psychoanalysis, and yet it’s the smart people who tend to carry around the most baggage.  I think I’ve finally gotten to the point where the burden has become too much to bear and cannot be ignored anymore.

I find myself in a sort of mental and emotional loop, making the same bad decisions, worrying over the same posibilities, and overall feeling as if I’m holding myself back from the same experiences again and again. I’m going forward to nowhere while desiring so much more and I can’t help but wonder if my sleeplessness is a physical symptom of it all. Is my body trying to tell me it’s time to get some help? I think it’s the only conclusion I can draw at this point.

You’d Think It Would Get Easier

Everything I know about relationships I learned in college. When one considers the fact that college is nothing like real life and that the burdens of time and distance that seem to plague my adult attempts at relationships were virtually non-existent in my college relationship experiences, then it is safe to assume that I know nothing about relationships, let alone dating.

In college things were easy, compartively. The few relationships I had were with people I saw several times a week either in classes or passing. Keeping in contact was simple a matter of attending a mid day film class or having lunch in the cafeteria. It was easy to feign a casual attitude about it all as there was very little upkeep required to maintain your presence before someone. Dating was a much less formal affair and consisted mostly of hanging out as opposed to going out. Once a relationshop was actually established, the question of your place or mine was rarely more than a few blocks difference and for lack of money or cable television if you weren’t heading out somewhere, you were probably staying in and having sex.

I find my adult dating life to be a great deal more difficult as now my dating domain has expanded to encompass a 20 mile radius (usually the second smallest search parameter on dating sites after 5 or 10) and in doing so has taken a lot of the convenience and casualness out of it. If you’re going on a date, you both know it, because you’re driving 20 minutes to get there or taking the metro in from the suburbs. You’ll never casually meet out in the world because your worlds are separated by distance. Graned, this distance isn’t insurmountable, but it makes nearly all contact seem deliberate and the last thing women my age seem to want is a guy who’s deliberately interested. Don’t fail to keep in contact though, because she’ll lose interest in a heartbeat.

When one has managed to get beyond the rigors of dating in the real world (a process that can take weeks if not months to consummate as opposed to college’s days or hours), then the logistics of the relationship begin. Having only really dealt with this for the long term in one relationship thus far, but having knowledge of what every possible failed relationship may have been since, I can say that one better be prepared to travel.

To be quite honest, I’m not even sure what a relationship looks like under my circumstances anymore. The last legthy relationship I had was with someone who was obsessed with  me. I could have ignored her half the time and she would still want me around … and I drove 40 minutes each way for that. I can only imagine what a relationship would be like with someone who doesn’t want to develop a co-dependence with me. The one shorter relationship I had after moving to the DC area, worked only because the distance between us was small. Had we lived further away I doubt we would have tolerated each other as long as we did. It’s not that I can’t see how people do it, I’m willing to do it. It’s more a matter of my having to find someone willing to add these variables into the equation.

Yes, the logistics of dating are complex when one does not either work or study with the person they are dating, but people make it work. As the eternal pessimist about this subject however I wonder if anyone would be willing to endure these logistics for me. I suppose communication is key and maybe I should just learn to appreciate the telephone again. There was a time not long ago when I had virtually no problem with it … that is until I dated several people for whom Alexander Graham Bell’s crowning acheivement was practically demonized. Now I’m unsure about phones. It’s a rough medium to work in and I much prefer face to face, but thus is the post college dilemma.  Not everyone communicates exclusively though AIM.

In the end, all this thought on the trials of dating in the modern world leave me exhausted and I wouldn’t even be giving it any thought except that I find myself in a situation that has become all too familiar to me over the last 2 years and I’d really like for it to work out just this once. I can’t help but find it a bit depressing though, because as I visualize my triumph I realize that it is only the beginning of another trial wherein for all the reasons above. It’s all a balancing act of life, time, and expectations and I just hope I’m better at it than I think I am.

Fancy meeting you here

I find it necessary at the moment to link to a previous post from back in November of 2007. Not only is this the 2nd most viewed post on my blog, but also one that happens to be particularly poignant right now, as I find myself once again in a similar dating situation along with the similar hopes and fears that I always drag along with me.

• Novemeber 24, 2007 – Getting Ahead of Myself

The relationship that came after the writing of the linked post didn’t last very long in a romantic sense, so what are the chances my current situation will bear long lasting fruit? Better? Worse? The answer to that is of course a shrug, but we’ll see if I’ve learned anything in the last year and a half. I’d like to think I have and after last year’s string of non-starters, I’d like to meet someone who is willing and who I am willing to see more than twice in a romantic manner.

If history has taught me anything it’s that you can’t win them all and even if you could, you’re not supposed to. Playing the game is the important part. Learn to enjoy that and you always win.

Winner Takes All

Some time shortly after college I made a switch from existing for existence’s sake to existing in order to win. Winning for me meant playing their game by my rules, but I didn’t realize that winning under their rules isn’t a goal, it’s a ongoing process, and that’s “how they get ya”.

I had become disillusioned with the world. I had seen things for what they really were and I realized that we were living a lie, one that was killing us slowly each day. Donny just picked up and left, shrugged off the burdensome, post-revolution world and never looked back. Even still it wasn’t leaving for real. He’s on the outside, but he can’t help but weave in and out of the this pleasant story we’ve all concocted. I knew the life of the outsider on the outside wasn’t for me. If anything I needed to be the outsider on the inside, my success and determination in the face of their immense fiction would be a constant reminder of the falsity of it all. And yet I got caught up in it, losing the innocence I had earned through blissful ignorance of the Truth and instead forced to face the harsh truth that no one cares if you win or lose, so long as you keep up the act.

And that’s where I find myself, nearly a decade later. I’ve won their game with my rules, but winning is a constant struggle, not a state of being. I’ve chosen to play their game and here I’ve lost the bliss I thought to cultivate in it. You win to keep winning and know one cares how you did it.

“I did it my way!” I scream and no one bats an eyelash, their smug avoidance of recognition a faint snicker of now keep doing it and shut up.

I thought myself enlightened. I was foolish. We’re stuck in this story whether we like it or not, the real question is how you deal with it. Do you remain blissfully unaware? Do you seek escape and skirt the edges of the fiction, while reaching constantly for the real? Do you play by your own rules and find yourself shocked when no one cares? Or is there some way to go through the motions and let the rest just slide.

Some time shortly after college I made a switch from existing for existence’s sake and to existing in order to win. Now that I’ve won I see that finding bliss in mere existence is the Truth of the matter. Winning was no struggle at all, only a trap. The real struggle yet remains, not to come to terms with the fiction, but to remove it in all but sheer action and in everything else transcend. And how does one do this? Perhaps the answer to that is the answer itself. Perhaps the process is the result. Where to begin?

Spin The Black Circle

I just had a bit of an “old coot” moment here as I realized that the music industry is rapidly moving away from physical media to digital distribution both because of the new opportunities it opens up for artists and because of end-user demands. The consequence of course is that stores selling physical media become less and less necessary, taking away one of my favorite pass times, browsing record stores.

Over the last 10 years alone we’ve seen the rapid disappearance of records stores both independent and chain. Where stores haven’t closed completely, they’ve merged with larger media outlets like FYE, stores that can sustain a business based on DVD and other physical media sales. On the independent front, stores just cease to exist altogether as the casual market for obscure and used music is met by online outlets instead.

It’s a sad state of affairs for someone like me who (while purchasing more digital than physical media on the average) still enjoys trekking out to brick and mortar stores in search of new discs. I have to wonder if the recent resurgence in vinyl sales isn’t some kind of evolutionary response by the music buying public. If – as the demand for physical media declines – audiophiles are inadvertently (and perhaps unknowingly) cultivating a need for a format with qualities that can only ever exist physically. The fidelity of a vinyl LP cannot ever be recreated digitally and perhaps in some unconscious backlash against the overwhelming digital tide, music lovers are again showing interest in this format and in the process lending relevance not only to physical media, but to the outlets that sell these objects.

All I know is that it will be a sad day when all the record stores close and my “old coot” realization of the day is that we’re quickly becoming a society strapped to our chairs and our internets. Everyday we’re destroying reasons to get out and interact with other people physically and you can’t stop progress, but I have to wonder what we’re doing with all the time we’re saving, because I spend more and more time at home wondering what the point of going outside is anymore.

2009 Oscar Predictions

Talk about last minute. Anyway, here are my predictions for the major Oscar categories this year.

Actor in a Leading Role
This is a toss up between Sean Penn and Mickey Rourke, both fantastic performances and both hard to compare to each other as they’re coming from such different places. Rourke’s got the momentum right now though and that counts for a lot with the academy, not to mention his Golden Globe win. As much as I may find it personally difficult to choose, the winner is:

Mickey Rourke

Actor in a Supporting Role
This one should be easy. The only reason the academy wouldn’t give this to Heath Ledger would be because they didn’t want to seem like he was getting the award only because he’s dead. First of, the academy doesn’t give a shit about that and second, he would have won it anyway. I know there’s been talk about Robert Downey Jr., but honestly he’s only nominated so the academy can show him what’s possible when he’s sober for a change.

Heath Ledger

Actress in a Leading Role
This is never an easy category for me to pick and probably the one where I’m wrong the most. Unfortunately I’ve only seen one of the movies these performances were picked from so I don’t have a lot of first hand information to work off of. Based on what I know of the actresses, I’d say that this is a race between Meryl Streep, who gave an uncomfortable, but excellent performance in Doubt and Kate Winslet who unfortunately was in two movies this year that I had no interest in. I’ll probably be wrong, but I’m going to say:

Meryl Streep

Actress in a Supporting Role
Contrary to Leading Role, I saw all but one of the movies for these performances and it’s still hard to pick. Amy Adams was good, but I’m not sure it was Oscar worthy. Taraji P. Henson was one of the better parts of Benjamin Button, but I’m not sure it was Oscar worthy either. Viola Davis was very good, but in all of 2 scenes in the movie. And Marissa Tomei is probably the only one that I might give a statue to here. Knowing what I know of Penelope Cruz however, I bet she gets the award.

Penelope Cruz

Animated Feature Film
Hey folks, here’s how you pick the best animated film of the year. If it’s before 1995 you choose the Disney movie. If it’s after 1995 you choose the Pixar movie. If there’s a Miyazaki film the running, there’s a 75% chance that it will win. This one is Wall-E all the way.

Wall-E

Art Direction
Academy … what are you doing to me? 4 period pieces and Batman? This is nearly impossible. I’m going to go with Benjamin Button though, simply because I can’t see an action movie winning this award and the other choices are such standard go to choices for an art direction award.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Cinematography
Maybe it was just me, but Slumdog Millionaire was beautifully shot. Granted all the nominees have decent claims here, but I think Slumdog was such a total package of a film that I can’t ignore it here.

Slumdog Millionaire

Costume Design
This is between Benjamin Button and The Duchess. Why The Duchess? Because anything from that era is always a contender for costume. Australia may have some claim, but did anyone even see that movie? I think Benjamin Button gets it though for being period accurate while stylized at the same time.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Directing
This should be a hard one to pick because these are all amazing directors, but the award goes to Slumdog for one simple reason that I will illuminate later.

Slumdog Millionaire

Film Editing
I wouldn’t be surprised to see Dark Knight pick this one up, but it depends on what kind of night Slumdog is having, because it could easily shift in that direction. Benjamin Button shouldn’t even be here. If there were ever a movie in need of editing it was that epic time consumer. I think this will lean to Slumdog though, Dark Knight has technical awards it can win.

Slumdog Millionaire

Make Up
The aging effects on Benjamin Button’s Brad Pitt were digital for the large part and not prosthetic, but even still, I think it wins over Dark Knight and Hellboy II.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Music (score)
I’m not certain here, but I’m thinking Slumdog again as I don’t recall anything particularly stand out about Benjamin Button or Milk. Perhaps Wall-E and Defiance had excellent scores, but this is going to be a Slumdog night.

Slumdog Millionaire

Music (song)
I’m going to take a little liberty here and give myself a 66% chance of getting it right. One of the Slumdog songs is going to win, but I have no idea which one.

Slumdog Millionaire

Visual Effects
If there were one award beside supporting actor that Dark Knight could be sure to get it would be this one, that is if a lot of Brad Pitt’s aging in Benjamin Button weren’t digital. To be honest, it was a sight to behold. I think this goes to Button.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Writing (adapted screenplay)
I can’t explain it, but I think Slumdog gets it. This is honestly a tough category though because the adaptations here were all very good. I think the defining factor will be the film and this is Slumdog’s night.

Slumdog Millionaire

Writing (original screenplay)
This one goes to Milk or Frozen River. Why? Because the writers have never been nominated before. Ok, so I didn’t see Frozen River and have no idea whether it’s worthy of this award, but in my experience this award goes to new writers and this is Courtney Hunt’s first screenplay. Dustin Lance Black has a little more experience, but I want to see Milk win something and that’s the direction I’m going.

Milk

Best Picture
When you really take stock of what’s here, the only movie that stands a chance to win this award is Slumdog Millionaire. Benjamin Button was decent, but ultimately nothing more than a less interesting Forrest Gump. Frost / Nixon was a movie about performances and little else. Milk was fantastic, but a little narrowly focused to be Best Picture in a year where the academy isn’t trying to make a point . The Reader I did not see and that’s all I need to say about that. And Slumdog is probaly one of only 2 or 3 movies from 2008 that I would actually want to own.

Slumdog Millionaire